Is it Friday?

No, it’s only Monday. Ugh.

Is it too late to put myself up for adoption? Yes? Rats.

I hate to post negative/complaining/whiney things when I have SO much to be grateful for so please forgive me. I’ll try and keep it to a minimum.

I guess this all sort of goes back to this post. When I moved back to Cali almost two years ago I was so excited to be closer to my family. But not long after I got back things began to seriously fall apart. Don’t worry I’m not going to air my family’s dirty laundry all over the internet. No matter how crazy things have gotten I love them and I always will. My brother and his family have struggled and for the last two years I’ve made pretty significant sacrifices to try and help them. But two years later I feel like maybe I’ve been an enabler more than a helper. It’s all become this huge entangled mess with my parents and my siblings and me stuck in the middle. But with everything that has happened I feel like I don’t even know them anymore. It doesn’t really help that my family doesn’t communicate very well at all. We exchange information just fine… but talking about things? Not so much.

I guess that point of all of this is that I feel like I need to move. Fast. I know what some of you are probably thinking… that I always feel like I want to move and that is sort of true. But right now I feel like I have to for my own well being. That, of course leads to feelings of guilt that I’m abandoning my family or running away from my problems. Maybe I am. In spite of all these crazy mixed up feelings I have pretty much put my life on hold for the last two years and I can tell that it’s beginning to change me. I don’t want to come to resent my family in any way and I’m afraid that is where all of this is leading to. And I don’t want these troubles to keep me from leading my own life and following my own dreams.

I read a quote when I was living in London years and years ago that said, “There comes a point in ever situation when determination serves no purpose and becomes an end unto itself. Know when to move on.” Sometimes I feel like the need to “stick it out” often keeps me in situations where I should move on. Or sacrificing what I want or need in an effort to make something work out.

Okay that’s enough of that. End of the whiney post. If you are thinking I’m selfish, childish, cowardly, spiteful or anything of that nature well, there is a good change you are right. I don’t like feeling this way at all.

I’m committed to my job until the end of the year and after that I will be making a change. I have to.

photo by danske

I think I could probably spend my whole summer here.

photos: Cachemire et Soie

I think I could probably spend my whole summer here.

photos: Cachemire et Soie

… one of your best friends is struck down by swine flu and you don’t even know about it until 2 weeks later when you read it in her blog.

… and you still have the same friend’s almost 3 week late birthday on your kitchen table ready to be mailed.

This is a really short list because well, it doesn’t get much worse than that.

Feel better Chelsea Lou! ♥

I was living this American dream when I got to leave work 4 hours early. Yeah baby. I hope everyone has a wonderful and safe 4th of July! Next year I will spend the 4th in a state that allows sparklers!

photo credit

And I love this print. I’d put this up on my wall in a heartbeat. If you know where it’s from please tell me. I can’t find any credit for it.

When I was maybe 9 years old I read an article (or perhaps, more accurately it was read to our class) on manatees being hurt and killed by speed boats in Florida. I begged by teacher to help me find a way I could help the manatees. It’s funny the things we choose to stand up for when we’re young. But this was my “cause” and I really wanted to help. My teacher got me the address for the Governor of Florida and let’s just say I wrote my heart out. I think I still have the letter I received back from him. It was kind of a big deal.

He also inclosed a form to join the Save the Manatee Club. With my birthday money saved up I joined the club. Maybe it was all the trips to the Monterey Bay Aquarium but I have always loved sea creatures. So anyway I adopted 2 manatees: Boomer and Sweet Gums. I was a proud mama and lived for the updates I got in the mail on my two manatees.

I kept renewing my membership for a few years because I loved Boomer and Sweet Gums so much. Then one day I received a sad letter telling me that Sweet Gums had been killed by a the propeller of a speed boat. I kept renewing Boomer’s adoption until he died several years later.

So there’s something you probably didn’t know about me. I ♥ manatees. I also remember reading that the idea of mermaids came from Christopher Columbus spotting manatees in the ocean and not knowing what they were.

Maybe I’ll adopt another one. Maybe you will too.

photo via Paper Tissue

I probably would.

So.. this morning at work all anyone is talking about Michael Jackson’s viewing at Neverland Ranch on Friday and how they could “cash in” on all the bajillion people coming into town. Sick, right? I jokingly mentioned I should rent a room for the weekend (well technically a couch since I’m not sure I can get the guest room ready) since I live maybe 5 miles from Neverland and get some extra cash.

A few hours later my coworker is on the phone with 2 girls from England asking if it’s safe to sleep in your car in Los Olivos because they want to come to the viewing and all the hotels are booked and he tells them I might have a spot for them. Seriously? When did people at work decide to start taking me seriously? So he gets their email address for me to let them know. Again, seriously? So okay, I email them to see exactly what their plan is and when exactly they are coming. And she emails me back all, “okay, see you at 7:30! I’m getting on the plane!” Woah, woah, woah…

I wonder if they know the viewing at Neverland Ranch was cancelled…

So I just emailed her saying it’ll be $200 a night and they have to leave the house at 6 am on Friday and Saturday since that’s when I leave and I can’t really deal with random people hanging out in my living room all day. I’m partially secretly hoping this will change their minds.

But it will be fine right? Why do the English seem so much more trustworthy to me? Somehow they just do.

So wish me luck and pray for me and if you want come over and visit and protect me.

maybe my sister and one of my best friends had a birthday over a week ago and i still haven’t given them their presents.

maybe i should not have had that last scoop of ice cream.

maybe the thing i procrastinate most is doing laundry.

maybe i lost my costco card today.

maybe sometimes i like not using capitalization.

maybe some days i don’t use the treadmill as much as i should. maybe sometimes not at all.

maybe i’m a little too obsessed with my dog sometimes.

maybe i really want to see chelsea vs inter milan at the rosebowl next month.

(let’s pretend i posted this yesterday like i meant to…)

First this blog kills me. I love it. I’m always proof-reading at work and boy do we like our quotation marks. Oh, and commas. We are never short on commas. It drives me nuts. So a whole blog devoted to the overused of quotations marks… love.

I love these chairs. Can’t wait to buy one.

These umbrellas are so pretty. Nice and big. Perfect for London.

This wooden carpet is sooo cool.

My favorite skirts are from American Apparel. I know, right? But they are so comfy and casual and just the right length for me.

One of my new, favorite Etsy stores is Dear Golden Vintage. Great stuff… especially the shoes! I need to narrow it down before they are all gone.

via Made by Girl