taking a break

maybe it will just be for a few days, maybe a few months. i really don’t know. for the last week i’ve had to deal with something too personal and too painful to post on here.

::edited:: because nothing seems like the right thing to say.

i hate the way i’m feeling right now. i don’t want to see the world as ugly and hateful but right now it doesn’t seem like such a nice place.

on a more positive note i’m so grateful for the power of prayer and for loving friends.

like salt

sandreflected

Before you know what kindness really is

you must lose things,

feel the future dissolve in a moment

like salt in a weakened broth
.

What you held in your hand,

what you counted and carefully saved,

all this must go so you know

how desolate the landscape can be

between the regions of kindness.

How you ride and ride

thinking the bus will never stop,

the passengers eating maize and chicken

will stare out the window forever.

Before you learn the tender gravity of kindness,

you must travel where the Indian in a white poncho

lies dead by the side of the road.

You must see how this could be you,

how he too was someone

who journeyed through the night with plans

and the simple breath that kept him alive.

Before you know kindness as the deepest thing

inside,

you must know sorrow as the other deepest thing.

You must wake up with sorrow.

You must speak to it till your voice

catches the thread of all sorrows

and you see the size of the cloth.

Then it is only kindness that makes sense anymore,

only kindness that ties your shoes

and sends you out into the day to mail letters and

purchase bread,

only kindness that raises its head

from the crowd of the world to say

It is I you have been looking for,

and then goes with you everywhere

like a shadow or a friend.

Naomi Shihab Nye

dig yourself a hole

bekka sent this to me from seth godin’s blog and it was exactly what i needed.

Make big promises.

Burn your boats.

Set yourself up in a place where you have few options and the stakes are high.

Focused energy and serious intent will push you to do your best work. You have nowhere to run, nowhere to hide. (Better than the alternative).

when i was 19 i moved to london on my own. i’d never lived away from home, i’d never been out of the country, i only knew the family i was staying with through a handful of emails but off i went… without a second though.

and here i am years later, wanting desperately to move, to go somewhere new and now there are a thousand little voices in my head saying “but what if it doesn’t work out?”, “what if you don’t find a job?”, “what if you find a job and it’s worse than the one you have?”, “shouldn’t you save more money first?”, “maybe just wait another month…”

who am i? i’ve gotten so good at looking before i leap that i leap less and less. i’m afraid i’ve gotten comfortable in my rut. but that’s not even true. i’m very uncomfortable in my rut. i told my home teacher on sunday i was going to stay here for the rest of the year and move in the new year. i didn’t sleep a wink that night and had that kittens-drowning-in-my-stomach feeling for the rest of the day.

i think i’m ready. i’m ready to work hard and pray hard and challenge myself. harlow’s ready too.

photo by red_one

a little paris


i’ve been waiting for friday all week long. for some reason i haven’t been sleeping well and 5 am comes awfully early. a mellow weekend is on the agenda for sure. since i’ve got france on the brain (nothing new) here’s a french inspired wrap up for you.

i love polaroids and paris and polaroids of paris. like the one above. it’s by jen. i love everything jen does.

elizabeth put together another playlist. she makes the best playlists. this one is inspired by her time in the south of france.

(that husband of hers makes some pretty awesome mixes too.)

yummy s’mores with a french twist

lindsey’s favorite secret spots of paris

i am loving anne’s tour de france series.

i thought this post paris fashion: staying chic in the rain might come in handy for october.

and it reminded me of my friend emily’s post about the beautiful umbrella she got in paris for her birthday.

i want to have a picnic with jordan – she’s an expert at them.

after reading this post i’m dreaming of finding a charming “french” bicycle to bring home with me. i know… i’m probably getting carried away.

and ps – yesterday i spoke to my dear friend natalia, who was my best friend while we were both nannies in london six years ago. she lives in berlin and i’m trying to figure out if i can maybe stay in europe a few days longer and pop over to germany… or maybe meet in paris?? i’d love to see her so keep your fingers crossed.

polaroid by jen gotch

instagram photos from the weekend


polaroids of erin and me off to see dolly parton on friday at the hollywood bowl. then some yummy watermelon pinkberry on saturday.


oh dolly. she’s amazing! if you don’t love dolly i’m not sure we can be friends. she’s such a talented, funny, amazing woman. it was such a great concert.


i picked up some cupcakes from enjoy cupcakes. sprinkles doesn’t hold a candle to amber’s amazing creations. my favorite was the strawberry cucumber mint chardonnay. heaven.


but of course we stopped at sprinkles anyway and erin bought harlow her very first cupcake. and poor harlow waited patiently for me to snap a photo before she got to dive in. such a good girl!

now i need a serious detox to come down from the sugar high. except my fridge is full of cupcakes. thanks erin for a fun weekend! xo

little letters

daisies

dear sunny day,
welcome back.

dear harlow honey child,
sorry you’re so itchy. you’re my favorite.

dear paul mitchell lavender mint shampoo,
you are my second favorite.

dear watermelon and peaches and blueberries,
you make breakfast so delicious.

dear twitter,
i don’t know what i did all day at work before you.

dear new apartment,
i know you’re out there somewhere.

dear paris,
see you in october… maybeeeee!

dear bloggers friends,
you’re the best.