unexpected gratitude

fe761-nothecritic

i’m sitting in my dad’s hospital room for the last few days.

the prognosis is not good. i’ve been sitting here listening to his labored breathing, machines beeping, nurses bustling around, the woman next door screaming for her damned phone…  and just waiting. waiting for him to open his eyes, waiting for another bit of information, waiting for another update. it sucks. he looks small and weak. his hands are swollen and his skin feels cold.

i know if i let myself think about it too much i’m going to lose it. when i got here this morning i was overwhelmed with emotion but i knew if i let myself cry there’d be no stopping me. i don’t know what is going to happen. the waiting and not knowing is hard.

but i’m choosing hope.

i am just dealing with each moment and each hour as they come. right now he’s alive and i’m grateful for that. i’m grateful for the machines, tubes and medicines that are keeping him here while he fights. i’m grateful for the nurses, doctors, attendants, janitors and everyone here.

for the last several years i’ve been the only one in my family who has had any contact with my dad. i won’t go into all of that drama but it’s hurt me and i know it’s hurt him to be shut out by the family he loves. this might sound dumb but it’s nice to have all of these doctors and nurses on his side. i’m not alone in my concern for him anymore. there are other people helping him and hoping for the best for him. and i’m so grateful for that.

that quote always makes me think of my dad and how hard he’s worked and how much he’s sacrificed for his family. he’s not perfect buy he tries and no matter what he’s never stopped trying. i love my dad so much. if you are so inclined please keep him in your thoughts and prayers.

i’ve also set up this page to help cover the cost of his treatment: http://www.gofund.me/_helpmydad

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