progress or a lack thereof

“Don’t feel sorry for yourself. Only assholes do that.” – Haruki Murakami

i’m going to risk looking like an a*hole and write this anyway. sorry.

lately i’ve had a difficult time blogging because i’ve been wanting to avoid what has actually been on my mind. but after a few weeks of “sitting on it” i’m just putting it out there in the hopes of getting it off my chest and having done with it. feel free to vacate the premises. and if you do read i fear you will realize what a selfish, ungrateful, miserable person i am capable of being. really unattractive, i know – so i’ll just apologize now with the hope that you’ll forgive me.

i like my life. a lot, actually. but i also feel like in one particular area of life i’m stuck. i don’t like being stuck. i need progress and change to feel like things and life is moving forward, developing, growing. lately it’s a constant inner battle – fighting to stay positive, not to give into wallowing (is that what i’m doing right now? sorry), to not act like a jealous 5 year old. i have so much to be grateful for that it’s silly to focus on what i don’t have and to let it drive me crazy. i feel like this week especially it’s taken extra energy not to compare my life with other’s or to become resentful or basically be such a big baby.

long walks and fresh air help. harlow helps. and when all else fails a little drive and a little cry in my car where no one can see helps. i’m working on it.

or maybe i just need a little fairy dust.


10 thoughts on “progress or a lack thereof

  1. I honestly feel exactly the same lately. I don't want to wallow in being sad about the frustrations of feeling stuck, so I choose ignorance because supposedly IRS bliss…

  2. i know exactly what you mean. and it sucks. there are days when i just need to tell myself “get over it”. i love my life too, but there are certain aspects that i feel aren't going anywhere. keep your chin up love! it'll work out okay:)

  3. I don't usually comment, but I just wanted to tell you that you're not at all a bad person for feeling this way. I just started reading blogs about a year and a half ago, and while I've been inspired to try new things and be a better person, one huge downfall to reading them I've noticed, is that I'm constantly comparing my life to others. And, it's only been since I've started reading blogs that I am perpetually plagued with a case of the “wants”. You know…I want that dress and I want to go to that restaurant. I want that cake stand and that dog. And most recently, I'm embarrassed to say, I've started bugging my poor husband about having a baby- all because of a certain blogger we all know and love. How gross is that! When I take some time to step back and evaluate my own life, I realize I'm doing just fine. Better than, even. It's just that I get so consumed sometimes by the seemingly perfect lives that girls are posting about.

    Anyway, I just wanted to share my thoughts on the matter and let you know you're not alone. xx

  4. Hi, first time commenting but I just had to after reading this. I'm so glad you wrote this because at the moment I can totally empathise with how you're feeling! I catch myself thinking negatively and try to step back and be objective about my life and try not to wallow. But it's hard and it seems to creep up on us all at some time or other. That being said, I hope you feel better soon!
    Amber xo

  5. So many people have said the thing I want to—that your post totally sums up what is going through my head. I am a little stuck—but only because something that I don't want to happen is going to happen in a couple of months, so I'm prematurely stuck, which is probably MORE selfish and MORE childish, if anything.

    I hope, whole-heartedly, that you get back on track soon. And if you find that fairy dust…a post-it or a sign pointing to its source would be wonderful.

  6. I was totally there…for like a few months…and I'm still coming out of it. I was stuck..In a 'funk', as I like to call them. But I think the Lord was trying to help me rely on him and trust him. I don't do that very well. I will say a little prayer for you tonight. You will find your way out soon. I know it. :0)

  7. I'll tell you a secret my dear… we ALL feel that way at one point or another & sometimes at multiple points in our lives. Don't feel bad for feeling that way- I think it is PERFECTLY normal. Yes it sucks & you don't want to nor like being stuck in said feelings but I think without having those feeling no one would ever strive to be better, do better or just plain become the person they want to become.

    The truth is, at least I'm convinced this is the case… no one is born knowing who they want to be, where they want to go in life etc. & I think the world puts immense pressure on all of us (especially women) to just “know” that we want to be a certain way. That is crap. You WILL be & WILL become exactly who you are supposed to when the time comes, that is just the way it works… and you'll change & you'll grow. We are all a work in progress & believe it or not I bet there are several people out there who look at you & your life & think the same thoughts… “I want to be more like her”

    Thank you for being so honest, that was brave. You are brave!


  8. Yes, I call this crazy brain and it happens way more often than I would like to admit. Sometimes it takes a while, so let it run it's course. Hopefully things will look up soon. Continue to focus on the good.

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