“Don’t feel sorry for yourself. Only assholes do that.” – Haruki Murakami
i’m going to risk looking like an a*hole and write this anyway. sorry.
lately i’ve had a difficult time blogging because i’ve been wanting to avoid what has actually been on my mind. but after a few weeks of “sitting on it” i’m just putting it out there in the hopes of getting it off my chest and having done with it. feel free to vacate the premises. and if you do read i fear you will realize what a selfish, ungrateful, miserable person i am capable of being. really unattractive, i know – so i’ll just apologize now with the hope that you’ll forgive me.
i like my life. a lot, actually. but i also feel like in one particular area of life i’m stuck. i don’t like being stuck. i need progress and change to feel like things and life is moving forward, developing, growing. lately it’s a constant inner battle – fighting to stay positive, not to give into wallowing (is that what i’m doing right now? sorry), to not act like a jealous 5 year old. i have so much to be grateful for that it’s silly to focus on what i don’t have and to let it drive me crazy. i feel like this week especially it’s taken extra energy not to compare my life with other’s or to become resentful or basically be such a big baby.
long walks and fresh air help. harlow helps. and when all else fails a little drive and a little cry in my car where no one can see helps. i’m working on it.